Slaves to our phones.  Social media giants have created us this way.  We are plugged into the Matrix and are  not able to be unplugged.  With every like that we receive from Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.  We delve deeper and deeper into the Matrix.  There is no real reason for anyone to leave their house anymore.  We have everything we need social interaction wise right at our finger tips.  You don't have to worry about the awkward silence or the eye roll.  You can just sit back and wait for those likes to come in.

Oh that post only received one like in thirty minutes.  Damn it, I thought that was good.  What now?  Oh I know a selfie with a cute smile that is always a winning recipe.  Like, like, like, oh that's the stuff.  Instagram has people with the exact same look and pose, but in different places.  Here's the bar, here's me on my couch, and here's me at Starbucks.  Food posts are the ones that I am most guilty for.  Made this delicious meal.  Haven't even taken a bite.  Maybe I could move that piece of asparagus over here to make it look more appetizing.  See what I did with those potatoes?  I put spice on them.  Now it's cold, maybe my phone can heat it up?

Meet Sherry.  She cannot stand to not look at her phone for more then 5 minutes.  She believes that the phone is going to ruin her summer.  There is no turning back.  The phone is evil   She needs help putting it down.  Instead of resisting temptation.  She dramatically throws the phone into the pool.  You will not waste my summer IPhone.  Sherry don't dive in after it.  Phones cannot vibrate under water.  You heard nothing. 

Vibrating in my pocket.  Oh no, somebody is calling me.  I am going to let it go to voicemail.  Then I will text back to gauge how important it was that they needed to talk to me.  Jesus, they are calling again.  This must be the Apocalypse.  Another vibrate.  Somebody has noticed me somewhere.   I need to see what I have been noticed for.  Was it my awesome bikini pic on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram?  Just an email from that damn contest I entered.  What a waste.  I am deleting that.  Oh that's so much work.  Maybe the phone didn't pick up the multiple likes that I got.  Not the spinning round thing.  This phone is so slow. 

In a social setting now.  Phone vibrates.  Maybe I can take a quick a glance while the conversation has shifted away from me.  Do I fake a washroom visit or just be a jerk and look at it in their mid-sentence?   Sorry, what were you talking about?  That was an important notice that somebody liked my photo that I ripped off from George Takei. 

Arguments are wonderful on social media.  Were they trying to be sarcastic or funny?  Or were they serious?  Why didn't they write jk after the comment.  I would have known then for sure.  I am going to overreact.  This should get their attention to know that I am right and they are wrong.  Social media arguments always end with no victor and a muttering of the phrase.  "What a dick."   Let the bloggers take care of writing sarcasm.  Not everybody has the chops to describe everything perfectly to a tee.   This internet stuff isn't for beginners.  

There is the creepy add as well.  The add when you are trying to slip through to check out the hot chicks profile.  You know some of the same people.  They have probably heard of you.  Just press that add button.  Do it, do it.  Put that Facebook on lock  down.  I want nobody seeing me dressed a pirate and having a beer from that Halloween party in '07.  Haunting circumstances of people knowing that I enjoy Heineken.  Nothing more shameful then being deleted by somebody from Facebook.  I was just cleaning up my feed.  Your name is always coming up and I could really give a fu** what you are up to.

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